What the F…..

I’ve been in this dream world with a man that says he wants kids, live in a happy home, yet spends his time texting and doesn’t want to meet me.

So I continue on my way. Next step is Paris, then Amsterdam for a week of work/pleasure. A few weeks later, I will be on a plane to Las Vegas and most likely another plane to Orlando a few weeks after that.

I understand he’s scared. After all, he’s 48, wants kids and never wants to imagine divorce. But texting isn’t the way to go about ‘observing’ a person, you need to see them and interact before you determine whether they are fit for you or not. Not to gloat, but I am a pretty damn good catch. Well into the 6 figures, no children, no exes, no baggage…. and yet I am ready to support what he has to deal in life.  Great: he has a great job that makes great money. Fantastic: he has a property he bought that most would kill for.

But my expectations are to find someone that loves me, adores me, and treats me like his woman. I can be the beer drinking, loud mouthed type as well, but I have found a way to use both my intellectual and my redneck roots to skill, so he will never be embarrassed. Instead, he is retreating into his family domain and not letting me in

This could be critical to a relationship that would have lasted and been fruitful. My gut feeling tells me he’s hiding something. What…. I don’t know.

So how……

Can you be in love with someone without having carnal knowledge of them? I’m astounded to see how many emotions fly when this man walks into my life. If he were to ask me to spend the rest of my life with him, I would. And yet, a short kiss is all it took. 

Has anyone else felt the same? Is it a gut feeling, or just something that may be real? All I want to do is protect him (the Cancer in me) and I’m willing to wait it out. We’re both adults, yet we’re taking it slow…. to a crawl. But he makes me laugh, he’s truthful and he’s a gem. I cannot imagine my life without him after so few weeks spent together.

Something has got to give. This can’t be real. All of my previous relationships were built on solid facts, not this ideal that is similar to a ‘groupie’ feel!  What to do about this???

Knight in Shining Armor

So, met my future husband (he doesn’t know that yet) for lunch today again and all I could see were these big brown eyes and flashing white teeth while we chatted. He’s so into his profession, fund raising, living life to the fullest, that I want to suck the energy out of him and take advantage of his compassion.

He sees the glass half full at all times. If I even told you what he did in life, you would laugh. It’s basically the worst possible job you could imagine doing unless you plan to make money, but he finds comfort in helping people through their stress.

I feel like I met the man of my dreams. He’s everything I have ever wanted. Yet, something separates us from being together. Our careers collide, but our motivations are the same. What to make of this other than to laugh about it and ignore what is ultimately going to happen to us…..

Could it be….?

Could it really be that I *might*, just *might* have met the man of my dreams? I’ve been told I intimidate men, that they are looking for housewives, not go-getters. Those who stuck around were generally the loser type (i.e. no ambition, no motivation, no drive). I’ve always said : I would marry a guy who picks up garbage if he had the motivation to be the head of the garbage department. Regardless of money, but someone I could talk to on a political front, religion, argue about it and understand that we don’t need to change them, but that everyone is entitled to this type of conversation.

Well, I think fate bumped into me a few months ago. I thought I had hit it off with a colleague (having known him for 9 months generally would mean you would know this person pretty well when you have to deal with them hours weekly). Then someone else inquired on my status : I was unsure of what to say.

Long story short, that colleague was an utter disaster. His daughter is pregnant at 16, he lives in a haze of alcohol and cigarettes, his other daughter is a failure. Even through all of that, I tried to be nice, but it was obvious this wasn’t going to be a ‘winner’.

Back to guy number 2. Now, remember, I have no remembrance of meeting him for the first time (the pain I felt that day was unbearable for various reasons) but we ended up meeting last week. And it was love at second sight. 

Is that even an expression? He’s not what I pictured I would be with, but he’s responsible, quiet, driven, ambitious, serene and wants kids. My god, where did this gem pop in from?

I don’t want to jinx this…… next blog post to follow